Kill Bill

Few questions for all my fellow blog readers:

The last post that I tackled - as pointed out by almost everyone was very "diplomatic". I am not trying to justify anything here - the way I tackled it was:

- For what I like about women - Tried to see positive in all the things that a woman does naturally - something most guys complain about

- What changes guys should make in their lives - Here again portrayed many instances from observing many friends and couples what guys keep doing that make the woman angry......

So just pondering - if possible do answer these :

Is it wrong to keep quiet? Accept the other person as they are - or is it better to keep nagging and confront them.

Does keeping quiet all the time means that he/she could be taken for granted - and say once this he/she does loose their cool - they become the meanest people around.

Are we all tuned in to accept negative reactions towards us - so much so that when one is trying to be nice we feel that he/she has some ulterior motive.

If say you do commit some grave errors and confess or accept them - even then you are constantly ridiculed - will you keep quiet, fight it out or simply walk away from the situation.

Thus like my friend Calvin - my brain is trying to kill me too

Ying Tag Yang

Tags galore:
Pavi -few (how many ever u can think of) traits in men that they think are not so good (PS: Not Hate!) and need to change.
Solitaire - Ten Things You LIKE About The Opposite Gender
Since there is no clear cut answers -I feel both of these go hand in hand so will tackle them together.
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Disclaimer: This post is based on personal experiances, it in no way resembles or focuses on any one particular gender.
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Finally I bought the new game for my Dis - playstation - Ying Yang - by Bony Productions.
Premise of the game is simple : there is a couple living together in an apartment - you have to determine the next move for each player - if correct you get plus points and negative points for a wrong answer.....plus points leads to successful relationship and negative leads to disastors

Rules: The simplest rule that I could have ever encountered for a game - "Think and behave naturally - and act accordingly". The last game that had only one page instruction was a real toughie - so I knew I was doomed.......

Additional Instructions: Many games one plays has multiple levels - stage 1 to infinity and it becomes difficult as one increses in stages - this particular game is designed to be categorized in multiple ages - not levels.
I bought the one called YOUTH FACTOR - additonal titles like CHIDHOOD CRAPOMANIA, PUBERTY HANGUPS, MIDDLE AGE CRISIS AND OLD AGE SENILITY are also available.

The game -
Pick selections
Players - I picked professional woman and man
House layout - Picked one with one bedroom called "Started Apartment"
Time frame - I picked a week (wanted to see how the game was)
Objective - This game is based on real life differences between the gender. Think "Natural " to gain points.
Press "Start" to begin.
(taking a deep breath - I pressed "Start")
Monday morning -
Man takes charge of the morning proceedings
Man - Wakes up puts the coffee - decides to go read the paper - forgets about the coffee - reading the paper - switches on the TV - looks at the news anchor and relaizes he has to iron his shirt - coffee is still burning - paper is strewn all over the table - TV is on and off he goes to iron the clothes.....she wakes up and tells him the coffee is burning
What is the mans reaction - (here I have to pick the correct answer - help me out)
- Rushes to see the coffee and forget about the shirt
- Remembers to switch of the iron before going to check the coffee
- Simply gets bugged as says "Why cant you shut off the coffee - cant you see I am late"

Went thru couple of stages all interesting - stopped on Thursday Morning
Woman takes charge of the morning proceedings
Woman - Wakes up. First goes and picks the paper - lays it neatly on the table (anticipating breakfast). Goes and puts the coffee on the pot - goes out and sets the iron table facing the TV...enough time to shut the coffee off and come back and iron her dress and see TV - he wakes up, "Where is the paper and is the coffee ready and whats the news......" She tells him everything is set.
She does this because:
- She is a natural multitasker and can think ahead of the next move
- She loves him way too much
- Has accepted his daily ramblings and sees no point in arguing

Then I flipped thru couple more days - Reached Saturday evening.
Man - Was out playing football with friends - Invites two of his buddies to accompany him to his home for some drinks - calls his wife who is partially working from home - I am coming home with my buddies - can you make something to eat that you made last week - it was awesome - she stops her work to prepare that awesome stuff - its only sometimes he appreciates her and is pleased that he remembered that - she forgets about her work and its importance - meanwhile she straightens the house for the guests.
Guys comes home - dirty shoes and mud - all over the floor to the bathroom - bathroom is a muck - sofas/cushions are all helter skelter - beer bottles everywhere - food dishes slid below the table - in the end it looks like a hurricane just hit.
End of the night she starts to clean up on her own inspite of her pending work -
he looks at her - stretches his arms - and
- Helps her clean up
- Says honey I am tired will do it tommorow
- Simply goes and sleeps

Last I flipped to the last day Sunday at the mall
Woman - We need to buy the following items -
Matching curtains for the new cushion covers that we bought last week for the new sofa that we had ordered to match the carpet that was gifted to us for this new apartment
Have to buy a silver toaster to replace the one working to match the silver blender and coffee machine that we got as our anniversary so everything looks even
Need to buy a new dress with matching accesories and shoes for "X"'a party - and need to get you another white shirt and black pant
The guys applauds her -
- Because she is so visionary that she takes care of all the minute details of their life - without which it will be drab
- Thinks big and say - if not for women - there would be a lull in the economy - if they did not spend - it will lead to recession - also appreciating the fact that because of their innate quality for nitpicking - it challenges designers and manufacturers to up their game
- Why cant she do all this and let me be alone so I can goof off as if I tell her to buy a certain color or item - it will be rejected anyways - and deemd I am trying to get things done fast as I am bored of this trip already in 15 minutes.

Wow!!!! what a game - have to leave now or else I will be late for a meeting that I setup five days ago and told THEM to come on time when I am going to be late - while I still have to eat lunch and fill fuel and..........

"Left" Abandoned

This is a repeat post - want to share it again to more readers.
I am a "total LEFT handed person". A "southpaw"

Here in the United State there is a building code (bylaws) called ADA (Americans with Disability Act). It regulates the building designs in order to accomodate people with any diability - handicap, blind, hearing impaired. The law came about so that the disabled dont feel neglected and are able to participate to their best abilities in all different activities that a normal person performs.

Now in my case - I feel there should be a "World Lefties Act". We are a minority- approximately 17% of the world population (as posted in my earler post 23&ME). Apart from social stigma attached to being a lefty in certain cultures - this statement that I read reflects my constant challenges with me being ME

"In 2007, researchers discovered LRRTM1, the first gene linked to increased odds of being left-handed. The researchers also claim that possessing this gene slightly raises the risk of psychotic mental illnesses such as schizophrenia"

I will cite my reasons why I think the above law should be enacted - there are so many things a "left handed" person cant do or simply enjoy or has to adjust to - this is a list from personal experiences and research on net

- Scissors are always designed for Right Handed Person (No wonder I failed all my craft lessons but was good at abstract art)

- Fold flap chairs in school/colleges are always right handed - (I had to take two desks, one to sit and the other to write on - with the ire of anyone sitting next to me)

- Computer Mouse in all public places and libraries is always on the RIGHT. (But I dont complain - it made me ambidextrous)

- Glad that I will never be able a sharp shooter - all Firearms are designed exclusivly for right handed people

- Japanese kitchen knives are Right Handed (so cant be a Sushi Chef)

- Most vegetable peelers are Right Handed (Have to look for one to use it with both hands)

- Any ATM or check out scanner or a automated ticket booth is always geared towards the Righties. (Need to find out if Lefties spend less money due to this)

- Most Musical Instruments are right handed

- Most sports luckily are designed for both the hands baring - golf or hockey which are Right Specific. (Try asking for a Left Handed Driver in a golfing range)

- I only get two choices of seats when I go out to restaurants with friends. It has to be either end left corner. (Good part is I always get to order - bad because the bill lands on my lap)

- Ever realize when people say "Yeah Right" "Ahh Right" "All Right" - how do we lefties feel.

- The other big rejection I face all the time is forwarding my hand at a temple to accept favours (prasadam) - invariably my left hand goes up and Mr. Swami looks at me like I am some retard.

So I hope someday there is a Lefties Union who fight for our survival -
and makes us feel "Left Accepted" rather that "Left Abandoned"

SWOT Team

Tagged by Pavi to do a SWOT analysis - personal perception of the below:
Strengths
Weaknesses
Opportunities
Threats
Strengths:
- Love to explore many different things - (life has so much to offer)
- Have a photographic memory (am able to recollect things whether client details, book pages or places I have travelled to)
- Always see the positive in any situation (beleive everything that happens has a reason )
- Can visualize and sketch precisely in 3 dimensions (part of it is training as an architect)
- Can gauge peoples mood and intentions and react accordingly (helps dealing with clients)
- Always jovial, you cannot have a dull moment around me
- Need only 6 hours of sleep - and am a good power napper (10 mins ) and I will be fresh

Weaknesses:
- Cannot say NO to anyone - end up doing most of the work for others
- Curb my resentments and avoid arguments - it bites back eventually
- Being jovial always is a weakness as people think I am never serious
- Being inquisitive for many things makes me restless
- Can be ruthless sometimes (speakah the truth) as I am upfront

Opportunities:
This is vague as this analysis is for business modules
Opportunities in life have to be created - if I feel I can do something or is good for me - I simply go try it - without thinking of consequences
If it works its great and if not - well I learn a good lesson
Atleast there is no - What if I had done this or that.....Its done.

Threats:
Again this is vague. There are external threats that one cannot forecast - all one can do is be ready to face them.
On the personal front - you could be your worst threat
Say if you have made a mistake - and you keep resenting it - you make yourself and everyone around you sick.....

This was a difficult TAG - a complete LEFT BRAIN activity - logical, rational etc etc, which I rarely use -have never done anything like this before - so Pavi let me know if this was the right direction.

God's Inc (GI) -3

I have had two earlier conversations with GOD'S INC.
Transcripts of which can be found here. (they are a bit long but precursor to this talk - these were written when I did not have a reader base - if possible read them)
God's Inc - 1 (September 2007)
God's Inc -2 (November 2007)

It is almost 3 months - finally I was able to pay off all my holiday bills - so decided to call God's Inc again. (they dont have a toll free 800 number!!) Also due to the Christmas Holidays, God's Inc had doubled the price on the call for December to reduce the frivolous calls for stupid gadjets people wanted. They had to take this drastic step as HIS model Santa -11, serving this part of the world during Christmas, had contacted arthritis.
(Dialed the number. After the customary chosing 1 then 3 then finally four....the customer service rep picked up the phone)
Me: Hello

GI Rep: Hello, ME-74, this is Manish. How may I help you today?

Me: (Surprised) How do you know its me and isnt that an Indian Name?

GI Rep: Sir, we have your phone number on the record and God's Inc have hired Bee Pro to outsource and answer their calls.

Me: (WTF - even God Outsources) Oh Ok.

GI Rep: I see you have interacted twice before. Also from the last transcript I see that you alongwith 11 other ME-74 were upgraded for the Green Design. How do you find the changes.
Me: Well (thinking - I know he is testing me - I transmit the data and he already knows it - again looking for that elusive antenna for the umpteenth time - so I play along) for starters I feel pure and energetic, have had good food supplements and am trying to use energy efficient design modules.
(A loud siren in the background and hush hush noise)

GI Rep: Well, sorry to interupt but, can I put you on a hold.

Me: (as if I had a choice - and I was witnessing chaos as GOD's Inc) Sure.....(I waited for almost almost 10 mins -this is going to be an expensve call)

GI Rep: Sorry we had an emergency, there was a bunch of people who were decommisioned in Iraq. We has to take care of their soul inputs back into our system and so the siren.

Me: What do you mean - people killed by another suicide bomber. (I was a little sad)

GI Rep: Sir, since you are a model that can only transmit data and not act on your own congnizance - let me share some fascinating information today.

Me: Wow, I was feeling privileged.

GI Rep: You know that there are constant calamities happening on earth in the past few years. There was a WTC Tragedy, Tsunami, Bomb Blasts all over the world, Earthquakes...

Me: Yeah, terrible and so many people died - I hope no one of my 24 ME-74's were killed

GI Rep: Well no, all the ME-74 were positioned appropriately to avert any such incidences. But the thing is what you think as a tragedy is basically HIS way of decommisioning old, derilict, useless or faulty models. Sometimes due to lack of time some good models are also decommisioned.

Me: Means ( I was getting confused at this point )

GI Rep: See, to make your life easy, GOD borrowed the technology from Galaxy Automubuloma. They sent their best technicians who work in big coglomerates manufacturing cars, disguised as earthlings. So if there is some problem in the car, then the manufacturers recall that part and replace it or sometimes decommision it. Similarly HE has to do this from time to time. What he does is get the programmers to make these "extra" earthlings to gather at a place and decommisions them at a time by infusing some natural or man made event.

Me: But why in such a tragic manner?

GI Rep: See when GOD leased this planet Earth from Galaxy Inc - the lease says that no more than 7 billion models can inhabit it at a given time. So HE has to take these drastic measures.
Me: So, you are telling me, that these tragedies are planned. (damn). But then why did HE infuse this emotional gadjet in us. Why do we feel sad?

GI Rep: Well that is where the problem is. When earthlings were being designed - there was a brilliant engineer Emostein - who designed these two gadjets. One for the male earthlings and one for the female. Both have subtle differences.

Me: So then why cant he reprogram and RECALL the gadjet - so that atleast we dont feel this pain

GI Rep: Well its all corporate politics. Due to certain early faulty designs like the Mussolini-1, Hitler-1 and Stalin-Jr, stock of God's Inc dropped. Seeing its great potential, Saturn Corp wanted to buy the earth. In an effort to avert control of HIS company, HE traded Emostein to Saturn Corp.

Me: So are you telling me there are more ME's like me on Saturn.

GI Rep: That is exclusive information, I cant divulge. Well so in short Emostein took his programs with him and GOD was stuck with these dual emotional gadjets that he cant recall.

Me: Well, ok....(did not know what to say here). My credit is almost getting over. Just one more question.

GI Rep: Go on...

Me: As discussed last time, Bush-2 will be decommisioned, but why this neck to neck battle of Clinton-2 and Obama-1.

GI Rep: Well that again ME-74 is classified information. In time to come you will see his MasterPlan.

Me: Ok...then, Manish, hope all is well in India.

GI Rep: Yes it is. As usual do not divulge this information to anyone. Thank you for calling God's Inc. (click!!!)

Me: As if I have control over it.

Lifes Resume

Was on a short break - have posted a long comment on the last post for everyone - there were interesting inputs and queries from some readers that I have addressed - do read it.


Another one of Calvin's little antics.
Makes me think and wonder - as an exercise - think if you can write an autobiography of yourself in a page or two.
It is a difficult task - writing about ones life - I cant seem to fit my resume on a page anymore - let alone about life.
Which leads to another question - what is it that we have done that is significant enough to be included in a biography for someone to read it. Or does everyone have to do something really significant to tell their story.
Does elaborate words and prose indicate a persons acheivement and greatness or a simple quiet demeanour - "I am happy with the flow of life" - an indication of a persons strength.
Just like it is important to make the right choices in ones life - it is important to have certain role models or mentors - to get the best out of you. Just like Eklavya had Drona.

Sliver of Hope

Vietnam War Memorial - Washington DC

Thoughts while taking this picture -

There is a whole past shining upon us

Reflections of war, tragedies, acheivement, joy, pleasure............

History is in a constant process of being created

You are always standing at the crossroads between the past and the future

Darkness within you is bound to come at different points of time

But there is a sliver of hope

There is always that beyond

Grab it while you can..........

Unfortunately Fortunate

(this is my own repeat post - from when I only had few readers - but want to share with more people and get more inputs)

The views put forth may not go very well with many readers - but this is something I do beleive and want to share it. I am not immune to emotions but I think I have the strength to overcome it.
All our lives we are somehow morose or sad and are always finding a reason
Why somethings did not go the way we wanted it to or assumed it to be.
Why do WE have to face these sudden changes.
What have I done to get this and so on and so forth.
Happiness goes in a blink but sadness stares at us forever.We trap ourselves into a cycle of self "mental molestation".
What happens is that we tend to forget the great moments of our life, or just remember them as a sad memory, and also at the same time loose all this current precious time in our lives.
Everyone faces this quandary in all walks of life - career, family, relationships, friends........Sometime ago I read this little quote "I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become." and in my solitude I mulled over it and it got me thinking (something that I do naturally every moment of life).
Arent we all slaves of our own doing. We want freedon from every aspect our our lives but dont have the strength to gain freedom from our very sad self. Freeing yourself from sadness to live those little moments of happiness that you experienced is what I think makes you fortunate in the most unfortunate circumstances.
I think one should feel fortunate that we have LIFE and try hard not to waste its nuances by going on celebrating sadness. Instead celebrate those moments that were really exhilerating in , relationship, career, family, friends - that you currently miss - feeling lucky that you had a chance to experience those great unforgetable moments. (many people dont ever get a chance to experience it)
Try hard to take that as a positive experience - Enrich the SELF, strengten your SOUL. A person who you are not aware of exists within you....
It is easier said then done and many people think that this is a selfish unemotional approach - I agree but I am trying hard to be responsible for what I become henceforth and not blame the circumstances and the world for where I am currently -

"Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift, that's why it is called the present." -- Elenor Roosevelt

God's Inc (GI) - 2

On September 14 of this year I had a call made to Customer Service at God's Inc.

The transcript of the previous talk can be found here (http://ceedyreflections.blogspot.com/2007/09/gods-inc-gi.html).

Yesterday following up on that call - I got a call back from GI Rep. Last time I was speaking to Travis - a rather stern character. Today my luck I was talking to a chirpy Stacy - something was not feeling right (a hunch)

GI Rep (Stacy) : ME-74 this is Stacy, calling on behalf of God's Inc. How are you doing today, hope you are having a wonderful Thanksgiving!!!

Me: Yes, thank you (in my mind cut the chase tell me the reason for you call fast.....)

GI Rep: I see that you had called a few weeks back and had asked to see if any peripherals were available to upgrade your model ME-74. At that time when you called we were having a secret research going on and did not want to leak out the news. So GOD told you that there is no upgrade availaible.

Me: OK..... (So even GOD lies. Hmmmmm)

GI Rep: As you are aware that we have been constantly monitoring data coming from you and are happy that you have been selected alongwith 11 others out of the total 24 in your design group.
(started again poking my ears, checked my eyes and entire body...to see if there are any probes that are transmitting the signal...)
This upgrade is to make you fellow ME -74's compliant with the future research that we are going to conduct here.

Me: Why are you asking for my consent this time - why like last time am I not told that I am simply designed to transmit data.

GI Rep: This again is confidential data that we cannot divulge. Let me go through the process and you will understand. Tonight post Thanksgiving dinner at 9.30 please go to the balcony and face East. Close your eyes and tap your head three times. We will then start the process of upgrading your database.

Me: Ok....as if I had a choice. (just to be smart) Stacy, thats your name right?

GI Rep: Yes

Me: What if I dont go to the balcony? What then.

GI rep: Sir you are aware that these design desicions are not in your hand. We implement the entire program. Here is what can happen if you dont comply. Thanksgiving dinner is as you know heavy and you will have had wine. You will start to feel nauseous and caustrophobic whereby the only option for you is to be on the balcony outside. Also we will activate the code for severe headache whereby you will have no option but to tap your head. So in short simply just comply.

Me: Ok (damn - why did I open my mouth. Now I understand why this polite girl is talking to me today - Marketing man, marketing - hope she is as hot as she sounds :))

GI Rep: So the update is based on the current technological advances implemented by an Intelligent Design Model Gore-1. We are trying to make Me-74's green and energy efficient. This way the data collected from you will help us design a better versions of Green Models and updates for the ME85-95 derived from you.

Me: Ok. Is there anything special that I will have to do.

GI Rep: No dont worry. Everything has been taken care off. You will do exactly as planned.

Me: Hmpfffff. Ok. Hope it is an useful update. ( I have limited control as I was made to understand before)

GI Rep: Tommorow then we will forward you the relevant documents that you can email back to us - have to make sure that there are no bugs and the upgrade was sucessful.

Me: Ok, thank you, will do as PROGRAMMED. (again I felt all quesy and started to look for that stupid antenna)

GI Rep: And by the way you are not supposed to divulge any information that you email back to us to fellow ME. We understand that you have started a BLOG.

Me: Yeah I kinda know, secret right and if I dont comply I will get a flash and will loose part of my current memory and........Oh!!! One more question, last time you mentioned that you guys were figuring out what went wrong with Bush-2, can I know if there was any progress.

GI Rep: Sorry again confidential, but be assured that we are upgrading and constantly reprogramming Clinton-2 and Obama-1 so that everything comes back to normal. Also we are looking into the possible recommisioning of GORE-1 to head the state as his work to implement Green Design is almost over.

Me: Ok, Thank you. I feel good as there is hope and maybe then my being reprogramed will make sense.

GI Rep: Have a nice day. (Click)

(just sitting here wondering - there are some obvious signs on me after this upgrade, but I cant divulge - GOD's INC gives us all the necessary programs and operating systems but it is left upon us to make them useful and if you stray you stand a chance of being decommisioned)

Thanksgiving

Starting today is a four day holiday Thanksgiving weekend here in the US. It kind of is the start of holidat season which will last till January encompassing Christmas and New Year.

It is a nostalgic day for me as lots of things have changed in the past one year. Today marks the ninth year I am here in the United States and life is again at the crossroads. But the spirit is much brighter today.

Today marks the busiest travel day of the year when everyone who is away from their home - studying, working, teaching - get together and celebrate the Thanksgiving Dinner.

Also 8 years ago tommorow marks my initiation into the American culture. I was lucky to be part of a Thanksgiving Feast hosted by my German Professor for whom I was a Teaching Assistant at the college here - invited me alongwith a fellow Chinese student, a Banglasdeshi couple, a German girl - exchange student and her Husband who is an Egyptian.
The reason for me to write the different countries is to elaborate that no one of us was an American - all immigrants - all here to expand their horizons in their own ways. Each with a dream and aspiration - separated from near and dear ones back home either because of personal choice or aspirations or need.
She was a very nice lady who invited us knowing that none of us had our families here and also her own son was away and could not make it. A special gesture -as mostly Turkey is served at this dinner - she made vegeterian dishes for me. It was a memorable evening etched forever in my memory.

Today thus I take this opportunity to say Thank You to everyone I have known till now, I have not yet known but are part of this Universe, and extent it to all I will know in the future.

We have been given an identity and placed on this planet. But single handedly we are just objects with with reasoning powers - it is only after the interaction among different people that we get classified and categorized based on our similarities and differences, This is then what defines that identity and it becomes a being.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving !!!!!

Force, Choice, Blessing

I was flippin thru the few days ago and landed on a channel of a motivational - Joel Osteen. I want sure at first about this thin frail looking guy - being an inspiration - but his spirit and the way he adressed caught my attention.
He spoke about some interesting ideas about how people and events are juxtaposed and how it is all a masterplan.

I gave it a serious thought and wanted to share them.
When we are sad, dejected and basically down- we do not want to seek out to others - do not feel like interacting - blame everyone including GOD for our miseries and the state of affairs - we FORCE ourselves into oblivion, self disdain and reproach. It affects every part of our existence - mind, body and soul.
Sometimes we have no CHOICE - either we force someone into a sad situation or someone forces us into one. In the first instance if one is sensitive we keep feeling guilty and in the other the guilt is forced upon - thinking constantly what the heck did I do to get this. But we all have within us that little power to break that choice. Move on with vigour and face life. Can you imagine how have you survived physically so long without any effort ( sometimes you do need elixers). It is a process of survival that is ingrained in us. Can we use it to survive emotional upheavals. I dont know the answer (but its worth exploring)
Coming back to his speech where he said this interesting thing - when we are lost - there is always a new door that is waiting to be opened or opening. In circumstances we meet certain people who pull us out of this - this is what he called the master plan.
You have to meet somebody or get something - it does not pop out overnight - they were put into action way before - going through their own growth and understanding - and when the right moment comes you meet them. So dont despair as there will be something or someone already planned for you and you will surely meet them - FORCE yourself to look at the options - make that a positive CHOICE and it may eventually turn out that all that you are going thru is a BLESSING.

Calvin - My Friend

I wont reiterate my love for Calvin and Hobbes. I have mentioned about them in August (here is the link to the previous post).
This is one simple cartoon but as always I like to analyse the smallest of things. For me this has lots of life lessons embedded within.
Firstly the childhood innocence - you do what you feel like, when you feel like and where you feel like. Nothing, absolutly nothing besides having fun and getting tired and delerious matters. In this case Calvin is enjoying the task of simply nailing the coffee table.
Secondly the apathy when you grow up - you start possessing things - that are valuable in kind but these actually bound your spirits and self as you are always worried about them. Here the apathy on the moms face is evident as her possesion - the table - maybe prized - is being damaged.
Lastly the question "Is this a trick Question" - the ultimate quiz - that we all have in life. In all our daily grind, emotional shrouds, and physical labor to make a living - we do not see what is apparent - we forget how to live - we keep trying to coax, cajole and try to find answers where sometimes none exist.
Some people might see this as a losers attitude - but I differ, I see it as self pride - you can only do so much - beyond it just let it all go - it will come back if it is meant to be - if not like the old sufi song
"सितारों से आगे जहाँ और भी हैं " (there is a world beyond the stars) "
- there will be another door open.
One should always ask that kid within you - the simple questions -it does not mean that we have to behave like one just keep that spirit alive - I experienced it first hand recently what it feels like to be a child again.
Let me know your input while I play with my dear friend Calvin

The Quiet Time

Finally winter has dawned. It was 42d F (5.5d C) today. I dared to venture outside onto the balcony in light clothes. The cold penetrated every part of the body and I felt the chill up the spine. It felt like the forces of nature were shaking me and waking me up. Many of us have a habit of creating a bubble around us because of our fancies - unable to perceive the reality and accept it. This exposure to brutal temperature craked that bubble - a much needed respite.
Around the same time I was experiencing this I witnessed the most beautiful sky at the time of sunset for few minutes Attached is the picture. It calmed my mind and felt very peaceful. I feel a strong urge not to be sad anymore - simply step back, contemplate and make the best of what this situation is offering me.

A quiet time - with nature and the universe - even for a few minutes - makes you realize that life is a wonderful experience and has a lot to offer. It upon us to explore the unknown or brood over the known.

"Hollow"ween

Lat night I became part of the Halloween Parade in New York. A bizarre event where people loose their inhibitions cross dress, put on scary costumes, innovative garbs - making a personal, social or political statement. There was an immense crowd of participants and onlookers - all with simply a purpose to show off and see. Loud music blared from the floats - a mish mash of reggea, rock, techno and other simply some noises banging on metal vessels.
Amidst this crowd and noise and excitement I someohow felt lost. Dont know why it dawned on me but moving around in this huge crowd crushed by all kinds of people I realized that I am a common man - just fighting myself to have aspirations to do something special - and making my life into a self created misery. Why am I doing this to myself - why could I not simply enjoy the parade.
We get into deeper shit with life because of our actions and then everyone around wants to shroud that truth by putting these so called spiritual and religious words that are supposed to somehow magically erase all memories and pains. I feel one should simply tell you the magic word that makes the most impact - You are FUCKED dude. This word has all the conotations and no hidden meanings - one word says it all - you are alone - nobody wants you around - life is a bitch - you are struggling for lost causes - you have to struggle for your existence.......
Sometimes and like yesterday I felt that knowledge - too much of it makes life more complicated and "hollow" and it scares me.

Poets Palate

Seems the past hour around New York has provided me with the palate to scribe a little poem : the ingredients:
Full Moon
Dark Gloomy Weather
Departure of a friend
Chocolates
Rain and fog

Today the way I am

Driving along the long winding roads
Shrouded by the mist and fog
Unclear path ahead
Life as it stands now unfolds

The full moon rays shear the clouds
Glistening their borders with its radiance
Inspiration to many souls
But I feel darkness within

A friend
Departing to a new life
Many a dreams and aspirations
Adios amigos with a heavy heart

Creamy chocolate
Sweetness in abundance
Alas every bite is bitter
Sadness persists all around

This is but a phase
Light the candle
See the flicker
Life will be lighter soon.

Om Shanti Om

Here are few lines from the song - "Deewangi Deewangi" from the forthcoming SRK film Om Shanti Om.

Kehene ko waise to sara sukun hai
Phir bhi yeh dil hai ki isko junoon hai
Pal do pal ko khwaab saza de
Isko usko sab ko bata de
Raaz jo sare hain

This is a REFLECTION of my current state of being and many others whose blogs I read here - verbose, elaborate, kinda loquacious, eloquent - but with a simple underlying theme - all are at the crossroads in ones life in different forms - want to be heard, read, poked and appreciated.

Emotional World

This is by no means a sexist post. Those who are offended - sorry.
But looking at the presidentianl campaign here in the United States - I wondered what if Hillary Clinton did win and so did Benazir Bhutto.
That lead me to do some research on the web and found out that currently - Ireland, Finland, New Zealand, Philipines, Mozambique, Germany, Liberia, Chili, Switzerland and my own Bharat (India) have women leaders currently.
This is not a new thing but it has happened earlier in in 2002, 2006 and in January to March 2007 there have been 13 women leaders.
The difference is that America currently is at its complete low point with Dubya as their president and if Hillary does come in she has an uphill task to revamp American image in the world.
Surely and hopefully her approach will be more humane and peaceful and not war torn......
Accepting that she will be presiding the most powerful leadership position in the world is there a possibility that world could go through an emotional cleansing !!!!!
On the lighter side will we see an advent of tissue companies sponsoring the United Nations and other world meetings - as crying to solve a problem will be a norm not war.
Will crying out loud to protest a certain issue be outsourced to "rudalis" (funeral wailers) as a new job option.
Will shopping be shown in prime time instead of sports.....
Dont know but it can happen - just waiting and watching......

The Sea Inside

Another Classic movie I saw recently. "The Sea Inside".
I wont go into the storyline (you can read it with the link above). This movie moved me. It questioned what is Love - is it about possessing it - making the one you love suffer because you are selfish and cant seem to see life without him/her.
Or it is about liberating - and being unselfish - release the one suffering from the others clutches.
Similar idea can be witnessed in the Hindi movie "Fanaa" where Kajol liberates Aamir from his dilemma by killing him in the end. For me that was an unselfish move by her to end his life - which lightened the burden on him to choose between his love and his calling.

Gods Inc (GI)

(Ringing, Ringing.....Choices, pressed 1 then 3 then 4 finally....my turn to talk to customer service representative from God's Inc.....Am on hold......(this message will be recorded for new born integration purposes).....waiting...click)

Me: Hello

GI Rep: Hello, this is Travis from God's Inc. How may I help you today....

Me: Hi, I have a question regarding ME, have some operating problems.

GI Rep: Sir, before we proceed I would like you to confirm certain things....

(He goes on to confirm my dad's, mom's name and place of birth - he gets my record in their database @ God's Inc.)

GI Rep: Ok sir, now what seems to be the problem

Me: I need to upgrade my operating system and memory to relate to other people.

GI Rep: Let me check your record sir....will be with you in a minute (puts me on a hold)

GI Rep: Sir, the model that ME-74 is built of is an experimental model. There are only 25 such models that were designed by Mr. God. Right now all those models are functional and active in different servers of the world. ME-74 are not allowed to upgrade or have any changes.

Me: Hold on, so you are telling me I am a Guinea Pig. A mouse !!!!!!!!

GI Rep: I cant say that sir, after we all are still HIS creation, but I do beleive that in your case it is somewhat like that.

Me: Damn, no wonder then I cannot proceed with simple daily functions as I am still primitive in my actions while all other BIOSes have been upgraded. Is there anyway I can attach a peripheral device to enhance what I have atleast instead of replacing it.

GI Rep: Sir, I am sorry that cannot help you. You are put there to undergo certain life events that we are monitoring constantly. The data received from you and 24 others put in different servers helps us design the future parts. ME 85-95 are ungraded versions of ME-74 and you mignt find them to be congrous to you but not similar.

Me: So without my consent I am helping others while I cant be helped. I have to undergo this trecherous journey without any respite from the INC.

GI Rep: Sir, I dont think you have a right to give a consent, you are programmed to transmit the data.

Me: (started poking my ears, checked my eyes and entire body...to see if there are any probes that are transmitting the signal...)

Me: So you are saying that virtually I have no warranty whatsoever on any of ME-74. It is a limited edition experimental model. So is there any possibility of ME-74 getting any help to make things a little easier.

GI Rep: Sorry sir, but you are an absolute. You were derived from experiments of ME58-68. And are an advanced version of those but a primitive version of the current. The only way you can get upgraded is that one of the other 24 ME is deactivated and their parts are reattached to you. But currently you are going through a phase where you might be shipped to a different server from the one where you were first transplanted and so are the others.

Me: Now I started to feel oblique. I am special but at the same time I am common. What luck!!!!!! So I will go, but is there any way I can leave a message for Mr. GOD.

GI rep: Sir you are lucky as he is in the office today, trying to figure out what went wrong with the model BUSH-2. He is in a meeting with the engineers to see how to decommision this model or atleast change its system. Hold on let me get him for you.

Me: Whoa.....I was going to talk with the master himself.....man I started sweating and became nervous. (after a long pause)

GOD: Hi, ME-74, this is the master speaking. You wanted to tell me something.

Me: In a fit of nervousness, yes Sir, I just wanted to thank you for this journey on earth but wanted to ask you why was I chosen for the experiment.

GOD: First of all, I appreciate you thanks. Dont despair though, atleast you have a journey that is exciting. There are many rejects in my office here. There is no special picking of you, it was random. So enjoy it while you can or else I will have to decommision you.

Me: No, its fine, now I know my place in this whole wide big world. I will carry on this exciting journey and keep transmitting you data to design a better ME in the future. (again I fidgited with myself to see if there is any probe on ym body)

GOD: Great, have a wonderful life and please dont hesitate to call us if you have any doubts or questions. Click.......

(If you like this fictional writing you will surely enjoy the movie The Truman Show)

Unfortunately Fortunate

The views put forth may not go very well with many readers - but this is something I do beleive and want to share it. I am not immune to emotions but I think I have the strength to overcome it.
All our lives we are somehow morose or sad and are always finding a reason why somethings did not go the way we wanted it to or assumed it to be. Why do WE have to face these sudden changes.
What have I done to get this and so on and so forth.
Happiness goes in a blink but sadness stares at us forever.

We trap ourselves into a cycle of self "mental molestation". What happens is that we tend to forget the great moments of our life, or just remember them as a sad memory, and also at the same time loose all this current precious time in our lives.
Everyone faces this quandary in all walks of life - career, family, relationships, friends........
Sometime ago I read this little quote "I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become." and in my solitude I mulled over it and it got me thinking (something that I do naturally every moment of life).

Arent we all slaves of our own doing. We want freedon from every aspect our our lives but dont have the strength to gain freedom from our very sad self. Freeing yourself from sadness to live those little moments of happiness that you experienced is what I think makes you fortunate in the most unfortunate circumstances.

I think one should feel fortunate that we have LIFE and try hard not to waste its nuances by going on celebrating sadness. Instead celebrate those moments that were really exhilerating in , relationship, career, family, friends - that you currently miss - feeling lucky that you had a chance to experience those great unforgetable moments. (many people dont ever get a chance to experience it)
Try hard to take that as a positive experience - Enrich the SELF, strengten your SOUL. A person who you did not know exists withing you....
It is easier said then done and many people think that this is a selfish unemotional approach - I agree but I am trying hard to be responsible for what I become henceforth and not blame the circumstances and the world.