20080226

God's Inc (GI) -3

I have had two earlier conversations with GOD'S INC.
Transcripts of which can be found here. (they are a bit long but precursor to this talk - these were written when I did not have a reader base - if possible read them)
God's Inc - 1 (September 2007)
God's Inc -2 (November 2007)

It is almost 3 months - finally I was able to pay off all my holiday bills - so decided to call God's Inc again. (they dont have a toll free 800 number!!) Also due to the Christmas Holidays, God's Inc had doubled the price on the call for December to reduce the frivolous calls for stupid gadjets people wanted. They had to take this drastic step as HIS model Santa -11, serving this part of the world during Christmas, had contacted arthritis.
(Dialed the number. After the customary chosing 1 then 3 then finally four....the customer service rep picked up the phone)
Me: Hello

GI Rep: Hello, ME-74, this is Manish. How may I help you today?

Me: (Surprised) How do you know its me and isnt that an Indian Name?

GI Rep: Sir, we have your phone number on the record and God's Inc have hired Bee Pro to outsource and answer their calls.

Me: (WTF - even God Outsources) Oh Ok.

GI Rep: I see you have interacted twice before. Also from the last transcript I see that you alongwith 11 other ME-74 were upgraded for the Green Design. How do you find the changes.
Me: Well (thinking - I know he is testing me - I transmit the data and he already knows it - again looking for that elusive antenna for the umpteenth time - so I play along) for starters I feel pure and energetic, have had good food supplements and am trying to use energy efficient design modules.
(A loud siren in the background and hush hush noise)

GI Rep: Well, sorry to interupt but, can I put you on a hold.

Me: (as if I had a choice - and I was witnessing chaos as GOD's Inc) Sure.....(I waited for almost almost 10 mins -this is going to be an expensve call)

GI Rep: Sorry we had an emergency, there was a bunch of people who were decommisioned in Iraq. We has to take care of their soul inputs back into our system and so the siren.

Me: What do you mean - people killed by another suicide bomber. (I was a little sad)

GI Rep: Sir, since you are a model that can only transmit data and not act on your own congnizance - let me share some fascinating information today.

Me: Wow, I was feeling privileged.

GI Rep: You know that there are constant calamities happening on earth in the past few years. There was a WTC Tragedy, Tsunami, Bomb Blasts all over the world, Earthquakes...

Me: Yeah, terrible and so many people died - I hope no one of my 24 ME-74's were killed

GI Rep: Well no, all the ME-74 were positioned appropriately to avert any such incidences. But the thing is what you think as a tragedy is basically HIS way of decommisioning old, derilict, useless or faulty models. Sometimes due to lack of time some good models are also decommisioned.

Me: Means ( I was getting confused at this point )

GI Rep: See, to make your life easy, GOD borrowed the technology from Galaxy Automubuloma. They sent their best technicians who work in big coglomerates manufacturing cars, disguised as earthlings. So if there is some problem in the car, then the manufacturers recall that part and replace it or sometimes decommision it. Similarly HE has to do this from time to time. What he does is get the programmers to make these "extra" earthlings to gather at a place and decommisions them at a time by infusing some natural or man made event.

Me: But why in such a tragic manner?

GI Rep: See when GOD leased this planet Earth from Galaxy Inc - the lease says that no more than 7 billion models can inhabit it at a given time. So HE has to take these drastic measures.
Me: So, you are telling me, that these tragedies are planned. (damn). But then why did HE infuse this emotional gadjet in us. Why do we feel sad?

GI Rep: Well that is where the problem is. When earthlings were being designed - there was a brilliant engineer Emostein - who designed these two gadjets. One for the male earthlings and one for the female. Both have subtle differences.

Me: So then why cant he reprogram and RECALL the gadjet - so that atleast we dont feel this pain

GI Rep: Well its all corporate politics. Due to certain early faulty designs like the Mussolini-1, Hitler-1 and Stalin-Jr, stock of God's Inc dropped. Seeing its great potential, Saturn Corp wanted to buy the earth. In an effort to avert control of HIS company, HE traded Emostein to Saturn Corp.

Me: So are you telling me there are more ME's like me on Saturn.

GI Rep: That is exclusive information, I cant divulge. Well so in short Emostein took his programs with him and GOD was stuck with these dual emotional gadjets that he cant recall.

Me: Well, ok....(did not know what to say here). My credit is almost getting over. Just one more question.

GI Rep: Go on...

Me: As discussed last time, Bush-2 will be decommisioned, but why this neck to neck battle of Clinton-2 and Obama-1.

GI Rep: Well that again ME-74 is classified information. In time to come you will see his MasterPlan.

Me: Ok...then, Manish, hope all is well in India.

GI Rep: Yes it is. As usual do not divulge this information to anyone. Thank you for calling God's Inc. (click!!!)

Me: As if I have control over it.

74 comments:

phoenix said...

OMG what is it :P

it went tan over my head :O

vEENs said...

hehhehe! God also outsources work.. and we have Manish answering your calls... hehhe!

drastic steps..hmph~~ maybe I guess thats God's way.

Emostien cant be bought back from Saturn is it? Stocks are still down kya.. hehhe!

and yu know I got a call today 5 minutes back.. with sme classified information..[see i m also privileged ;)] Obama-1 won... and er!! this is classified.. dnt tell anyone :D

vEENs said...

too good Ceedy ;)

this series is fun to read.!

Abhishek Khanna said...

wat is this :O

--xh-- said...

LOL.. too good, ceedy... GOD also outsources, eh? :)

anuj said...

is there a company like gods inc? :O
and would u evn believe those answers :O

or is it all some humor .. lol

Preethi said...

ha haaa funny..... But just when i was thinking that i was finally going to get some answers ...well... it conveniently became 'classified!'
and ME-74!! U know ur model number??.. and i don't!!
can you pls. post the telephone number!! I have some serious scores to settle....

Pri said...

lol!! too good ..really...
u know u should come up with a 'GOD'S INC' series now...
something which could go out in print and dvd format :D

Cinderella. said...

This was awesome...just awesome...!!!
I totally loved it and I'm gonna go back to the previous ones in a while...
Keep up the fantastic job...
(and try sending some of the sample to Spielberg or Bruckhemier or Woo or our very own Amritraj for instance...you have full on chances for a golden globe or an oscar...whatever suffices.)
:)

KP! said...

I need the number plz....i am still waiting for them to call me back....:)

plz provide me the #.....:)

I need to have discussion and clear path to my future.....:)

rOhit said...

Brilliant One. Damn innovative.
Thats what you call Kre8ivity. :) :)
Bravo!

P.S.- Number please! :P

c e e d y said...

@phoenix

read it again - its sarcastic humor

c e e d y said...

@veens

we all are priviledged...its just that we seek HIM only in distress and forget to thank him otherwise...

see everyones comments - they all need the number - i cant give it because the number is within each of us........

c e e d y said...

@abhishek

read it again to understand

c e e d y said...

@-xh-
thanks buddy

c e e d y said...

@anuj

dude there is a company - where we all exist...its not humorous - was I trying to be funny here ;)

c e e d y said...

@preethi

the number lies within you...shut your eyes and its a direct wireless connection....
but be careful - if you complain too much then he might not pick up your phone...next time...:)

and my Model Number is engraved on the back of my head - remember the scar I mentioned earlier in another tag....found it when i went bald - but he is smart...the locations are different for different people

c e e d y said...

@pri

thanks will think of that....

hope you buy those DVD's and Prints :)

c e e d y said...

@cinderella

thanks and hope you have read the earlier versions - more will surely come....

yeah am thinking of getting this copyrighted...
also see these two movies - bruce almighty and truman show - similar concepts

c e e d y said...

@kp

moment you ask anything about the future they say its classified secret but everything is laid out as per the master plan....

they strictly advice to live in the present....

see my answer to veens above for the number

c e e d y said...

@rohit

thanks dude

see reply to veens for the number :)

m.flowerr said...

Hi.....first time here and you have quiet an interesting blog!!
Do drop into mine, sometime! Thanks!

m.flowerr said...

Hi.....first time here and you have quiet an interesting blog!!
Do drop into mine, sometime! Thanks!

Keshi said...

God is a bored surfer looking for love.


Keshi.

Neeku said...

nice write up....

it kinda reminded me of a book... called "Interview with God" a good read....

I sort of agree with Keshi, from your comment box... it seems God is a bored surfer looking for love :)

May be he needs to look at issue and start addressing it... before the competitor counterpart 'Hate' starts taking over the world

romila said...

Ah! another long post. Coming back to read at leisure.

Neeku said...

I think you should write more of these... based on current issues and may be publish... Its a good piece of work !

Cinderella. said...

Have seen both...
Bruce almighty was okayish...and I was kinda young when I'd seen Truman Show..so dont quite rem'ber the plot.
But anyway, Jim Carrey rocks !
And yeah, do get it copyrighted. But yeah, lemme know how you did it, maybe I'll wanna copyright my work too...
All the best.

(¯`•._.•[Raaji]•._.•´¯) said...

these conversations are always so interesting. You are very creative :-)

c e e d y said...

@mflowerr

thanks for visiting...will also visit your blog

c e e d y said...

@keshi

is he or you think he is....cause you are looking for it...

c e e d y said...

@neeku

see my response to keshi above...

can you tell me the author of the book - i will try and read it....
you have to understand - HE creates both love and hate....there is no difference...its how we are programmed to accept it that makes the difference

and yes i was thinking of writing this in a lengthy manner....

c e e d y said...

@romila

sorry - will post short ones soon

c e e d y said...

@raaji

glad they make you smile....

Mel Avila Alarilla said...

You have such a fertile imagination. But God does not use gadgets and computers and advance programming. We make Him very finite by that. But that was a very entertaining piece of
scifi story. Thanks for the entertaining post. God bless you and your loved ones always.

backpakker said...

this is great fun..im waiting for the day it happens.."as if I have control over it !"
-lakshmi

*~*Sameera*~* said...

Cool out-of-the-box thinking there!

Made me think of the song "What if God was one of us..."

Cinderella. said...

Holy shit...!!
Oye, mere naam ka kachumbar kyun banaya hai ??
Thik karo use..ya phir short cut maaro ok...I'm sick and tired of everyone dissecting my name according to their convinience.
Aaarrrgh....!
And btw, about the hindi version of 'Bruce Almighty'. I know thats gonna as crappy as the hindi version of 'Hitch' had been. Excepting a few peppy songs though...!

gunj said...

what is it??
i still havnt been able to figure out! :(

c e e d y said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
c e e d y said...

@mel

thanks and i left u a comment on yor blog

c e e d y said...

@backpakker

sure its already there - we just have to execute it :)

c e e d y said...

@ C i n d e r e l l a

Oye...relax.....I had no intention of disecting your name....

I was a sp! error cause I typed that quick from work....so chilll

Damn....and how is it convinient for me - would like to know ./.

c e e d y said...

@sameera

thanks...

c e e d y said...

@ gunj

:(

Cinderella. said...

Did you just show the finger there ??!!!
How rude !!! You men are all alike.
Hmm...convinience there meant, that not really taking the care to type it out correctly.
Typos and everything is ok. But atleast we should be careful with names, I believe so.

Noushy Syah said...

Hi Ceedy...thanks for dropping by @ my blog.Appreciate it.Feel free to come again yea.

This posting is so interesting..it's like a science-fiction movie/story..did you write that? Awesome!.

Will come again to read more of your postings.

Take care and hope you have a nice w/end yea.Cu around.

c e e d y said...

@cinderella

Well whatever you want to assume - its fine...really...

point noted...and I do agree

but seriously chill....i accepted the error atleast

Cinderella. said...

I have a doubt here still...
Whats with the finger ??!!!
I'll be glad to get my assumption clarified..

c e e d y said...

@cinderella

how can i clarify YOUR assumptions...what goes on in your mind and what kind of people you have encountered that makes you generalize reactions....

and if such a small error, which someone has accepted and duly rectified can get you so upset....
then i really dont know what to say

Cinderella. said...

And it was never about making you accept the "error". My comment was completely in good jest. You took in a derogatory way.
And showed the finger !!!!!
Some acceptance...???!!!
Looked like, "you poked at me ? I aint gonna spare you."
That was beastly.

Cinderella. said...

"What kind of people I have encountered.." ??
For instance, I just had the luck of encountering you.

c e e d y said...

@cinderella

thanks....

Ashu said...

good convo, gimme email id or ph num, i wud hv tooo :)

Solitaire said...

hey you and i are the exact opposites!

I am an ENFJ!

Compassion Unlimitted said...

Hmm..nice read..was there a connect between my yarn and your comments there, and this beautiful posting I wonder..
TC
CU

c e e d y said...

@ashu

about the no. read the comment to veens above

thanks for liking it

c e e d y said...

@solitaire

thats really interesting....

c e e d y said...

@compassion

I guess we are all seeking the GOD in our own little ways

Mez said...

Dedication for u from Rohit. Come n see.

Satish Bolla said...

buddy, been planning to visit ur blog for quite sometime. happened to take a break frm work now and went thru ur blog. glad that the first post i read was awesome. simply awesome. i wish there's a real helpline like this. that too, outsourced..... gr8.

puresunshine said...

I liked the originality of this piece. yes, the outsourcin bit was fun! even the population limit bit. i liked the underlying bitter reality in the conversation.

c e e d y said...

@satish

welcome and hope to see you often
I will visit you too

c e e d y said...

@puresunshine

thanks...yes its a bitter truth - not many can read into it....glad you liked it

Pavi!!!! said...

oh boy...this is creative! n a lot of it flew rite above my head! will try read it agn!

romila said...

That was a really good one. A hilarious one. I really wanna the hear the classified info of neck-to neck-thing with Clinton 2 and Obama 1. Probe your GOD further. and this time, the call(charge)is on me. :)

c e e d y said...

@pavi

are you short....maybe stand on a chair and read it :) (just kiddin)

so then it wont fly over your head

c e e d y said...

@romila

thank you for the offer - will consider it.

The problem with GOD is that he is not like humans - does not take a bribe to divulge information - onve classified - always claasified...but will try to pull some strings

Abreysham said...

this one was less abstract than the other conversations you've had with Him.

c e e d y said...

@abreysham

Thanks for an honest input - I will have to think harder next time....agree with you.

τ ħ€ ĐάЎđяёάmёя said...

Awesome read man..
the way u depicted todays generation dependance on god n gadgets is awesome...
fst part wen u were frustrated wid HIS...want an update ,..he made for the riight time...then he made u accept the changes in ur life in part 2 and the way the god was actually busy wid war n calamities n decomissioning of good ppl too due to time shortage..it was real hard thinking...

grt posts..keep me updated abt future calls :)


nd bee pro call centre was cool :D

c e e d y said...

@daydreamer

thanks for reading the posts...

will let you know of any more phonecalls

and if you have any queries throw em in :)

τ ħ€ ĐάЎđяёάmёя said...

i have a question

that wat fault i committed..that i was let out at a time..wen AIDS is all around... :D

c e e d y said...

@daydreamer

cool - I like the question - I will mull over it and include it in the next convo ;)....