20081005

Weapons of Mass Destruction

Nah! This post is not about the global fight fest it is about the local Dandiya Weapons of Mass Destruction (refered to as DWMD's in the post) found in every Dandiya/Rass Garba or Navratri fest.

You may wonder how these simple looking sticks can wield so much power. Well its not them in isolation that are powerful - it is the nonchalan folks who are armed with these that are DWMD's.
Let me define the DWMD's - People attending a dandiya or a rass/garba (for detailed info on what rass/garda is all about - Wikilink) function who really should not be there and are armed with two dandiya sticks out to destroy the happy moments of Gujjus. Folks no offense to anyone else but this is a fact. Like Bhangra and all its BIG steps are designed for Punjabis - Garba is a Gujju trait. It is intelligent dance designed as a means of social interaction with minimal effort on part of the participant- something that comes to Gujjus naturally - making money intelligently with minimal efforts.

Globalization has penetrated the Gujju garbas and the situation is getting grimmer. Let me explain my worry. Sincedandiya is a big social dance festival, it so happens that everyone from anywhere who really dont know why they are there except to see others dance away want to be there.

Confused already. Well that is what happens when you have friends from different parts of India or nowadays from different parts of the world - who want to enjoy this festival. But they screw up every Gujjus annual dream of dancing the night away and losing the extra pounds gained by gorging sweets, fried foods and loads of ghee (clarified butter) the entire year.
Let me explain the different DWMD's that I have observed and am scared of -

- Fuzzy DWMD's : These are people with absolute no hand-eye-leg coordination - natural breakdancers so to say. Come on people, like not everyone can shake that ass like Shakira - non gujjus you seriously cant dance garbas. The sexiness of tango/salsa can only be portrayed by the latin folks - so are the smooth steps of garba can only be portrayed by Gujjus.

- Little DWMD's : The little kids armed with the sticks - man they can hit you in the wrong place. It dangerous out there. They are on a mission to incapcitate the opponents - how can one explain that this is not thier freaking video game.

- Adamant WMD's : When dandiya is played in a group there are two circles - one on the inside going anti clockwise and the other on the outside going clockwise. A normal step required exchange of 5 taps of dandiyas following the musical beats. The important part is not the tap - but to simply dance that moment and move on (lifes lesson learnt here - enjoy the moment and move on - remember intelligent Gujju with minimal efforts). But these folks HAVE to HAVE the five taps. If one is missed they will wait for a response and be adamant. Meanwhile it breaks the rhythm of all others dancing and there there are mass crashes.

-Shivaji/Ranapratap Emulating DWMD's : These folks hold the dandiya stick as if it is a sword. Tight on their first at the lowest point and for some godforsaken reason they pick the thickest of the Bamboo sticks. Now two things happen - they do partially belong to the Adamant cult - so they have to have a tap - and because of the fulcrum and some sort of vengeance - man it is one helluva heavy tap leaving a tingling sensation on the receivers hand and the other they really dont know how to play - so they are free wielding it with glory knocking of knuckles - hitting you on the head. This is all about enjoyment and it turns out you end up being bruised - just like the men in combat.

- Stomp Anything on its Way WMD's : These are folks who basically are overexcited sonomabithes jumping jacks who jump and basically annihilate any poor feet that come in their path.

- Lastly the Dormant WMD's - Folks who stand around and are gawking at girls and basically a hindrance to all those dancing. They do join in the fun once in a while and again make a mess of the ongoing freeflowing fun.
Just to give you a glimpse of a battlefield in a Navatri fest in New Jersey. You are in harms way in about 3'-0" diameter and dont really know who/when the next attack is going to come from.

So folks summarizing the above talk I was lucky to find this video that shows what I am talking about. It is in gujarati - but as they say action speaks louder than words -

So wish me luck as I managed to scrape unhurt yesterday in a smaller event but next week will be attending Falguni Pathak's Big fest which attrats crowds upwards of 1200 people and am sure to find these DWMD's and damn if one of them has read this post.
So I have decided to dress up like this.
or resort to the other meaning of acronym - RAAS : Runway Awareness and Advisory System, an airplane avionics system to improve flight crew situational awareness when operating at airports

91 comments:

Compassion Unlimitted said...

Enjoy man enjoy its the time
WMDs of a different kind explained in your own way..nice fun
TC
CU

Stupidosaur said...

Kya aapney mataji ke liye chanda diya, I mean Daan-diya?

Then mataji will save you I guess ;)

Solitaire said...

Sigh! Not gone for garba yet this year. Wonder when I will.

Akshaya Kamalnath said...

Injured myself with em last year at the Dandia night at Univ..haven't dared pick them up since then.

•♥•♥Vicky♥•♥• said...

haven't had chance to feel the power of these weapons :(
Your post has always been fun to read.Liked your interpretation though. ;)
take care and have fun mate
hope u fall to some girl's WMD's ;D
*keeping my fingers crossed*

Grey said...

In Kuwait usually Dandiya is WMD'd by Paki boys untill few years ago when Gujju's joined force and gave some good thrashing to some enthusiatic Paki Boys ... its peaceful now i guess, Since i don't dance i dont DWMD .

Prats said...

Happy Navratri to you....and way to go....so which one do you belong to .....the cool gujju huh!!!

Enjoy and have fun...

Satish Bolla said...

well, am mostly a "Dormant WMD", as per ur 'dic'tionary. trying to improve year by year but as u said, i don't want to spoil ur fun and so i let u, gujjus, dance. hihihihihi.

anyways, the "Little DWMD" was hilarious. watch out for them this year. n enjoy ur garba this weekend

Vinz aka Vinu said...

Dude, wt a post and at the right time..!!
:)

my right hand thumb finger is already carrying a swelling..thanks to those Little DWMD's and Shivaji Emulating DWMD's...

More nights to come..
by the from where did you ship those attire..?

;)

Compassion Unlimitted said...

time permiting come over to my post,i hv two replies..u could do it after navratri too..no hurry
tc
cu

debasish.. said...

Gawd!! Ur so right.

I'm a survivor too. I really hate the Dormant WMD's .. i mean, they are lik Traffic Jams ;)

gr8 post!

Aneesh said...

WOW, but what to do? people who don't know how to do these learn like these, right? 'N the kid thing, that's correct, I can sense that you've got personal experience in that LOL. Next time, use some pad that cricketer's use :)

Rakesh said...

sahi hai bhai..kabhi life iska experience nahi hai:)enjoy

ceedy said...

@compassion

Yes...I am enjoying...this is experience and observation :)- the thinking mind does not stop...so the post....

Abreysham said...

you talk like you've had ALL of those hits, lolz.
yea the Ranapratap types are crazy. I thought I broke my knuckles- it was Disco Dandiya out here on Thursday. Did try my best to not harm ppl by faling out of step- so would just ruh out of the circle when I couldnt keep up! ehheeheeheh

enjoy!

ceedy said...

@stupidosaur

accha sujhav hai....chalo next week...daan deke dekhta hoon ;)

ceedy said...

@solitarie

ok

ceedy said...

@askshaya kamalnath

hahaha....well dont give up...it takes a while before you can come out of its fear :)

ceedy said...

@vicky

I think I can gauge by the response to this post...that many have not experienced dandia...and most people did not read the sarcasm thru it...but glad you liked it....

and thanks I am on lookout for the PREETY DWMD's as well ;)

ceedy said...

@grey

damn....its weird to hear the crap....but yeah...if you have not experienced the dandiya....maybe just be a dormant one and see if you can spot some WMD's I mention

ceedy said...

@prats


Thanks....I am cool - yeah...gujju I dont know...have changed a lot ;) being here....dont have many of the "real" traits...

also I honestly I am not the most flamboyant dancer...I am in awe at many who can dance Bindass :)

ceedy said...

@satish

Dude...with the young people playing with the new steps and vigour...I too have become a partial Dormant DWMD :)

thanks - am going to have fun...this weekend :) and the little punks...bas&^%$

ceedy said...

@vinu

Well atleast one reader knows what I am talking about :)

keep those fingers and all the other appendages safe man...you never know :)

and that dress can be imported from NHL...national hockey leagues (ice hockey's website)

ceedy said...

@compassion

I will check the reply during the day....thanks!!!!!

Navratri here is a weekend affair

ceedy said...

@debashish


Cool...you are one more who can relate to the post....

enjoy and be careful out there ;)

ceedy said...

@aneesh

I am not against them learning....but cant they do it in their own time with the people who want to be HURT....why spoil the fun at a main event...(kidding) maybe you are right....

well the kid thing is not my experience but someone I know...and I am scared :)

ceedy said...

@rakesh

Ek baar kar lo experience....it is fun...and atleast you will see some nice preety girls...:)

ceedy said...

@abreysham

Yeah I have had most of those experiences....except the little kid one - thank god!!

Cool...hope you enjoyed the disco dandia :)

and How was id?

Abreysham said...

hahahahaha

yup- well the moosic was crap- imagine they had remixed tunes from RACE (movie)- sad! but we enjoyed doing our own thing.. it was my first time to do it but it was LOADS of fun!

Eid was great- one of the best in a LONG time.. my school/college friend was here from b'lore. it was total surprise visit, we were meeting after THREE years! whad an awesome time, going out eating, watching movies..and in fact was with her for the dandia too.

in short, Eid rocked!

KP said...

WOW...thats huge!....so did u do garba.... are u good at it?

well i didnt know falhuni pathak draws so much attention...

1200 people...thats huge....:).

i am sure u`ll bump into some of them ...nice way to protect ur self.

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Lol!Nice classification.

Have a good Navratri :)

Ria said...

Nice read! Hilarious to say the least.. :) And to think of it i hav never danced on a navratri night. :(

aneri_masi said...

I went for dandia this weekend too, but was spared the attacks, since I just sat and watched. Sadly, the music sucked, "Main hoon Don" is NOT garba music! Yuck!

But, man, you are SO right! Its dangerous out there!
I like garba better...I had the opportunity to be in my village over navratri once, it was simply amazing! completely different from all these commercial events.

joiedevivre said...

haha
dat was awesom
but i dnt fall in any of dese categories..

•♥•♥[V]♥•♥• said...

dooood
something awaits you here ;D

http://smellofearthafterrain.blogspot.com/2008/10/kick-ass-award.html

carolinagal said...

LOL!!
Very accurate description :P
Unfortunately, I have been missing out on garba for years now!! I was hoping to take my Aussie fiance' for a dandia spin, at least once before our wedding. But I don't think thats gonna happen either :(
I hope you have fun next weekend (and that you come back home with all your digits intact).

Pavi!!!! said...

Hey I'm no gujju... but can do the garbha fairly decently k! Try me u'll know!

the hubby falls in the DWMD category tho ;) :D!!

Have fun!!i don't think therz any place that hosts garbha in VT :(((

nefariousoutlook said...

dude!! that is a very very nice and true observation...been in gujarat itself for 5 years and have seen those WMDs in action :) it is actually a war out there :)

Joy said...

Dandiya is always fun! Happy Navratri. I am sure Falguni show will be lots of fun if you can defend yourslef too :)

Keshi said...

This post is Gujjufication at it's best! woohoo rock on!

Thats not really u in that last pic is it?

Keshi.

Hiren said...

Dandias are mostly prevalent now in events outside the country .... in most of the events (even the society garbas) here (atleast in Mumbai) ... we have done away with Dandias ... its mostly garbas .... and as it is garbas are more enjoyable and fun than Dandias ....

btw the little DWMDs are the best ... they are the future torch bearers of this tradition ..... so, bear with them and their innocent strikes and knocks ;)

Impressionist said...

damn man! u guys are havin so much fun!
I wish my legs were fine now, so that I too could go out

-I

Urv said...

Haha.. very funny post man.. :))

PS: I am a Gujju. I do not know Garba/Dandiya. How big a crime is that?

PPS: As I was commenting on you post, u were commenting on mine. Coincidence eh :D

Suma said...

ha..ha..good one ceedy..

my sympathies..i know, how traumatic it is esp after i saw the vdo...

but do have fun and hope you are not maimed too much...:D

carolinagal said...

TAGGED!

brocasarea said...

lol...dorman ones!!...
funny video...they are calling him tarzan!!

Chakoli said...

LOL..
perfect timings ...to put a post on it :DD

unde rwhich category u fall in dear?

ceedy said...

@abreysham
Great you had a good time in a rocking Eid with dandiya as a side dish :)

And yes meeting ol friends is always awesome.

ceedy said...

@kp

I am not that good - average but like to play...

well I will let you know the statistic from this weekend for falguni

heheheh - better be safe than sorry mate ;)

next yr you shld come here to simply see this...even tho you dont play

ceedy said...

@sameera

thanks...well technically its navratri but for us its one ratri ;)

ceedy said...

@ria
Thanks....well you should try it once...then you will know exactly what I am talking about ;)

ceedy said...

@aneri_masi
Yeah....agree...the music is the key.

Well we had Vinod Rathod last weekend - he was ok...this weekend is Falguni...lets see...I used to like it when she played in Bombay....

Yup....garba is better but the problem here is people only do like one or two steps...gets monotonous...and the local fare of any festival in India is always awesome as opposed to commercial :)

ceedy said...

@joie

Ok great...so you do play dandia?

ceedy said...

@vicky

Thanks bud - I saw the award...will put it up soon

ceedy said...

@carolinagal
haha...

Why dont you drive up this weekend to Raritan Center. Its there on Friday and Sat. Probably an hour tops from your place....let him experience the WDMD's...

Finally this weekend I am going with people who know how to play - after a long time - so hope I am safe and sound ;)

ceedy said...

@pavi
Ok...I take back the "only" gujju statement....but I am more talking about the dandias than garba here....

And I guess many people fall into the DWMD category :)

I hope you got the message about VT dandia....let me know if you go...

ceedy said...

@nefariousoutlook
Hahahaha

I am glad you can relate to it being there in the battlefield....

Hope you are not hurt in the process ;)

ceedy said...

@joy

Yeah.....dandiya is fun...hopefully this year I am safe as am going with people who really know how to play...are you going to be there?

ceedy said...

@keshi

Yes...hail gujjus :P

We dont rock on - we throw sticks....:)

ceedy said...

@hiren
Yes dood....agree even here it is first mostly garbas and then maybe dandias....but I am talking about a collective experience for the past many years

yeah...I will bear with the little WDMD's.....that is if I survive ;)

ceedy said...

@impressionist

What happened to your legs?

Thanks....yes it is fun

ceedy said...

@urv

Thanks bud....

Aa to ghanghor paap che - gujju thai ne tane dandiya nathi aavadta.....kalka maa su khese :P

Well coincidence to hai....good you are still in extras tho....get fit and start being a regular :)

ceedy said...

@suma

Hahaha.....

Thanks - yes it is really traumatic :P

But hopefully this year it will be safe...

ceedy said...

@carolinagal

checking!!

ceedy said...

@brocasarea

yeah man....can you imagine playing in front of such a person.....

ceedy said...

@chakoli

I am partial dormant - cause I get tired :P but mostly playing...tho not as flamboyant as many....

thanks :)

Satish Bolla said...

@ceedy
bacchon ko utna ched math. after all, they r innocent beings like me.. ;)

k, chalo then. have a nice navraatri disco dandiya with falguni paatak. b sure 2 stock up some band-aids n things like that

Still thinking said...

lol! Hilarious!
I'm no Gujju but I love Dandiya and I'm one of those 'Fuzzy DWMD's' :) but nothing can stop me from stomping to the Jhankar beats!

Enjoy your Dandiya Ceedy and have fun. Hope you get spared from all these WMD's :D

joiedevivre said...

yeah..m dandiya lover!!

Pavi!!!! said...

@Ceedy: Wat msg are u talking abt??I didn't get any!

Keshi said...

so I should say 'dandia on!' instead of 'rock on' then :)


Keshi.

aqua gurl said...

omg...what humour buddy.....too gud...i was rofl at the foll:-
weapons of mass destruction:O:O
battlefield...hahaha
managed to scrape unhurt.ahaha...i think of a stampede now:D:D
armed with sticks..haha..u make it sound so scary...but i loved the homour!!!!
good post...!!!!
PS-Dandiya's have been always fun to me...and yes, this time i managed to survive unhurt from the massacre!!!
have fun with the phalguni presence!!!

m.flowerr said...

Supercool flow of writing...
You have fun with Phalguni show!!

ceedy said...

@satish

Ok....I will be careful ;)

and thanks for the concern...

ceedy said...

@still thinking

Hahah - good to know you enjoy dandia and identify with the WDMS's

and thanks for the concern.

ceedy said...

@joie

Kewl!

ceedy said...

@keshi

Maybe!

ceedy said...

@aqua gurl

Glad you liked the post....and it made you laugh and you survived...am preparing for the weekend tho!!!

ceedy said...

@m. flowerr
Thanks.

Veens said...

YAY!!!!!! this is MOR ELIKE IT!

lovee this post ... sigh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i have never been to a garba !! i love it :) bt i m not potentially as good as Gujjus but i think i can manage :-)

and wowwwwwwww Falguni Pathakk?! sigh :-/ i hate you... you seem to attend all the pgms that I SO WANT TO SEE>>

hate :P

Vandita said...

my sis was gonna attend a garba i guess... will definitely ask her if she emerged unscathed ...
nice post :)

carolinagal said...

Arre I wish I could come tonight. My future 'Sasu-sasra' are visiting us for the next 10 days,,and I don't want the Falguni Pathak show to be their first Dandiya-Raas experience..And, i will feel pretty guilty if I left them all and went for the dancing myself.

Pavi!!!! said...

@Ceedy : Thanks SOOOOOO MUCHHHHHHHH for the link! We went to the event on Satur nite n simply had a blast!I'm just waking up!

There was garbha n Raas...I even got V to dance during the raas!yayeeeee! n yes, it was awesome fun tho of crse there were some of the specimens u mentioned ;)

Deepali said...

Hahaha funny post but very true. Nice observations. I don't go to dandiya/garba events. 1. because I am one of those no eye-hand-leg coordination kind of people and 2. because I don't get the beats and find the steps hard to follow and 3 . because I am scared of getting hurt myself lol.

But seriously I have watched some people dance the garba and I don't know how you say 'with minimal effort on part of the participant'...

ceedy said...

@veens

So did you try out the garba this year?

Anyone can manage....sure :)

ceedy said...

@vandita

and the report from you sis is?

ceedy said...

@carolinagal

Guess you are playing real life dandia ;) with the sasu-sasra....

and I agree it could happen that they are standing there doing nothing and you are enjoying...

Damn it was fun and I am still sore all over....5 hours almost :)

ceedy said...

@pavi

Glad...and good that we communicated in time or you would have missed it if for the bloody blogger....

I had good fun too and still am sore all over :)

ceedy said...

@deepali

haha - excuses galore...

well its minimal effort cause I think most of the gujjus are natural at it....dont have to think - simple look at the bugger/buggey next to you and we are in rhythm

rantravereflect/ jane said...

i knew wmd had a pseudo expansion of 'window for making dollars', but this???
wowwwwwww!!
i jus laughed n luaghed n am all cracked up now :)
n ya raaz of the raas was spectacular ;)
i loved the LITTLE DWMDs the MOST!!
HAAAAAAA :) YA Should wear ya pads with them around..

intelligent gujaa making max money with min efforts--> that should be some lean mean six sigma case study ;)

LOVED 'THE GREATEST GARBA DANCER IN the world' video--> he puts JITENDRA to shame :)

wowwwwww..
seeing all ya new posts, i 'm assuming ya escaped unscathed :)
:)
yipppeee..

LOVEDDDDDDDDDDDDDD this post..
dunno how i missed it :(

ceedy said...

@jane

I did not know the pseudo meaning shanks for sharing...

glad you loved the post....and I am unscathed except that I was like tired for few days as all the lazy bones and muscals moved....had to go for some oiling b4 the nuts and bolts in the body cld move....and the screeches stop