Weapons of Mass Destruction

Nah! This post is not about the global fight fest it is about the local Dandiya Weapons of Mass Destruction (refered to as DWMD's in the post) found in every Dandiya/Rass Garba or Navratri fest.

You may wonder how these simple looking sticks can wield so much power. Well its not them in isolation that are powerful - it is the nonchalan folks who are armed with these that are DWMD's.
Let me define the DWMD's - People attending a dandiya or a rass/garba (for detailed info on what rass/garda is all about - Wikilink) function who really should not be there and are armed with two dandiya sticks out to destroy the happy moments of Gujjus. Folks no offense to anyone else but this is a fact. Like Bhangra and all its BIG steps are designed for Punjabis - Garba is a Gujju trait. It is intelligent dance designed as a means of social interaction with minimal effort on part of the participant- something that comes to Gujjus naturally - making money intelligently with minimal efforts.

Globalization has penetrated the Gujju garbas and the situation is getting grimmer. Let me explain my worry. Sincedandiya is a big social dance festival, it so happens that everyone from anywhere who really dont know why they are there except to see others dance away want to be there.

Confused already. Well that is what happens when you have friends from different parts of India or nowadays from different parts of the world - who want to enjoy this festival. But they screw up every Gujjus annual dream of dancing the night away and losing the extra pounds gained by gorging sweets, fried foods and loads of ghee (clarified butter) the entire year.

Let me explain the different DWMD's that I have observed and am scared of -

- Fuzzy DWMD's : These are people with absolute no hand-eye-leg coordination - natural breakdancers so to say. Come on people, like not everyone can shake that ass like Shakira - non gujjus you seriously cant dance garbas. The sexiness of tango/salsa can only be portrayed by the latin folks - so are the smooth steps of garba can only be portrayed by Gujjus.

- Little DWMD's : The little kids armed with the sticks - man they can hit you in the wrong place. It dangerous out there. They are on a mission to incapcitate the opponents - how can one explain that this is not thier freaking video game.

- Adamant WMD's : When dandiya is played in a group there are two circles - one on the inside going anti clockwise and the other on the outside going clockwise. A normal step required exchange of 5 taps of dandiyas following the musical beats. The important part is not the tap - but to simply dance that moment and move on (lifes lesson learnt here - enjoy the moment and move on - remember intelligent Gujju with minimal efforts). But these folks HAVE to HAVE the five taps. If one is missed they will wait for a response and be adamant. Meanwhile it breaks the rhythm of all others dancing and there there are mass crashes.

-Shivaji/Ranapratap Emulating DWMD's : These folks hold the dandiya stick as if it is a sword. Tight on their first at the lowest point and for some godforsaken reason they pick the thickest of the Bamboo sticks. Now two things happen - they do partially belong to the Adamant cult - so they have to have a tap - and because of the fulcrum and some sort of vengeance - man it is one helluva heavy tap leaving a tingling sensation on the receivers hand and the other they really dont know how to play - so they are free wielding it with glory knocking of knuckles - hitting you on the head. This is all about enjoyment and it turns out you end up being bruised - just like the men in combat.

- Stomp Anything on its Way WMD's : These are folks who basically are overexcited sonomabithes jumping jacks who jump and basically annihilate any poor feet that come in their path.

- Lastly the Dormant WMD's - Folks who stand around and are gawking at girls and basically a hindrance to all those dancing. They do join in the fun once in a while and again make a mess of the ongoing freeflowing fun.

Just to give you a glimpse of a battlefield in a Navatri fest in New Jersey. You are in harms way in about 3'-0" diameter and dont really know who/when the next attack is going to come from.

So folks summarizing the above talk I was lucky to find this video that shows what I am talking about. It is in gujarati - but as they say action speaks louder than words -

So wish me luck as I managed to scrape unhurt yesterday in a smaller event but next week will be attending Falguni Pathak's Big fest which attrats crowds upwards of 1200 people and am sure to find these DWMD's and damn if one of them has read this post.

So I have decided to dress up like this.

or resort to the other meaning of acronym - RAAS : Runway Awareness and Advisory System, an airplane avionics system to improve flight crew situational awareness when operating at airports