Few questions for all my fellow blog readers:
The last post that I tackled - as pointed out by almost everyone was very "diplomatic". I am not trying to justify anything here - the way I tackled it was:
- For what I like about women - Tried to see positive in all the things that a woman does naturally - something most guys complain about
- What changes guys should make in their lives - Here again portrayed many instances from observing many friends and couples what guys keep doing that make the woman angry......
So just pondering - if possible do answer these :
Is it wrong to keep quiet? Accept the other person as they are - or is it better to keep nagging and confront them.
Does keeping quiet all the time means that he/she could be taken for granted - and say once this he/she does loose their cool - they become the meanest people around.
Are we all tuned in to accept negative reactions towards us - so much so that when one is trying to be nice we feel that he/she has some ulterior motive.
If say you do commit some grave errors and confess or accept them - even then you are constantly ridiculed - will you keep quiet, fight it out or simply walk away from the situation.
Thus like my friend Calvin - my brain is trying to kill me too
57 comments:
I'll surely come back again to answer these questions. Its almost 5 am here and finally I'm sleepy now. :P
Happy Buuddaayy to Aamir Khan! yayz! :)
Sigh!! Aamir Khan!!
Interesting post Ceedy. I am going to attempt to answer these questions. However, these are just my opinions, and may not necessarily be the right option in certain situations.
1) First of all, there is a BIG difference between nagging someone and confronting them for something they did wrong. I don't necessarily feel that keeping quiet is wrong, but I definitely would NOT do that. Thats because its against my personality. There are people who prefer keeping quiet, until they can't tolerate things anymore and then they explode. This leads me to my answer to your second question.
2) I do feel that keeping quiet all the time is unhealthy and may turn into something huge, and eventually the person might lose their cool. However, I don't think that they would become the meanest people around. I have faced people like these, and the conversations after they 'lost their cool' were certainly not pleasant. I would much rather have them speak their mind when something bothers them the very first time it happens.
3) I'm not sure I understand your question completely. I think this situation depends on how a particular person has been to you in the past. If someone has always been negative towards me, and suddenly they are nice, I would doubt their motives. If you think I did not get your question right, could you please explain what you are asking here?
4) If I committed a huge error (I'm assuming you are talking about cheating on a partner here), and if I admitted it, AND if my partner has accepted it, I would expect them to be cool about it later on. Maybe not immediately, but if their nagging on the past issue goes on forever, I would definitely fight it out. Maybe fight is not the right word here. I would definitely have another discussion with my partner, and ask them again how they feel about me cheating in the past. If they have still NOT gotten over it, then I don't see the point in keeping the relationship going. Its not healthy for anyone.
I would definitely NOT keep quiet, and accept the other person's criticisms the rest of my life, especially if they had chosen to forgive me in the first place. Don't misunderstand me, I'm not condoning cheating.
Sorry for this long-ass comment. I hope I have made my points clear.
You know Ceedy, human relationship cannot be encapsulized into a fixed formula. It will never work that way because there is such thing as individual differences. Different people react to different situations. Your schooling and training have made you so precise with everything that you think you can do it too in life.
Relationship must be relax and casual and in those intimate moments we shared with others, that's the time we know how to react to that person. It helps if you have intuition like women so that you will be able to naturally tune in to your companion. Nothing will turn off a girl more than be boxed in in a certain category like an animal sepcimen. People react differently on different occassions. Thanks for the honest post. God bless you and your loved ones always.
@rohit
will see you...
thanks for the reminder
@solitaire
enjoy it!
Hi Ceedy,
Sorry, I was about to leave your blog but I have to do an about face when I saw the comment of Solitaire to your post. All she can say was, "Sigh! Aamir Khan!!" I was laughing in stitches to see that our fair dame is still madly in love with this fellow. He, he, he, *lol* She's still head over heels for him. Who's the guy though? Is he a Bollywood star or just another blogger here? I'm curious to know who he really is to be able to turn the world of poor Solitaire upside down. I hope you don't mind Solitaire. I was just having a good time. No offense meant to you. God bless you all.
@carolinagal
Thanks for the hones input and glad for your insights (doesnt matter it they are long)
Agree with first and second
About the third - you are partially right - but what I was also thinking about is - say somebody asks you How are you doing? or Hows Work?
No my nature is I rarely crib, so I am always chirpy and say doing fine or great - and I love my work - so I never show any resentment - but it so happens that most people expect you to say Ah I am tired...or I am stressed or My work is killing me....
So its like if you are somehow happy with your situations it makes other cringe....
About the last point - you are right - it is unhealthy as once a crack has formed in a relationship (there have to be some reason - even if it was lust - that is also a reason of one being not satisfied - again dont misunderstand me)it can be difficult to mend it....
The cheater could end up feeling guilty and the cheated insecure and life will become a chore rather than enjoyable journey....
Thanks for the input
@mel
I completely agree with you. I was precisely trying to understand what you have mentioned - since I was refering to my last post - which had lots of vague imprecise (select on your own kind of scenarios - akin to how life is) - I got multiple comments saying that I am "discreet" or "diplomatic" - and thus I asked these questions...
And yes education makes one very logical and precise and it infiltrates into our lives - need to learn to seperate the two.
@mel
Yes he is a bollywood star - and I will let solitaire answer it.
Ceedy, I think we are pretty much on the same page.
About point no. 3, I think in the situation that you described, I would just say how I feel. If you are happy with your situation, who cares what others expect you to say, or how they feel about your answer. If they are not satisfied with your answer, maybe they won't ask you next time!
@ Ceedy and Mel,
Aaahhh! You wanna see his picture? Visit my blog. He is MY MAN (and a bollywood actor)! And I have loved him for the past 20 years...
One day...I will meet him...and attempt to profess my love for him...but I know it won't happen...I will only start sobbing and kick myself later for acting like a lovelorn puppy.
But Mel's comment is toooooo funny!!
**Is it wrong to keep quiet? Accept the other person as they are - or is it better to keep nagging and confront them.
No its not wrong. Confronting the person it totally upto u but plz dun NAG :)...also changing ppl is a very hard thing to do. So either Acceptance or totally keeping away from them r the only choices left.
Keshi.
Hey Ceedy, the last posts style was cool.. i liked it! Well women generally feel good when appreciated in certain ways :)
And for the qs! I could very well write a post :))
--Is it wrong to keep quiet? Accept the other person as they are - or is it better to keep nagging and confront them.
Being Quiet is better. I have always felt people in certain situations tend to react differently. But letting them know yur true purpose and let them sort things by themselves is always my way. I guess everyone needs time.. I do most of the time!
---Does keeping quiet all the time means that he/she could be taken for granted - and say once this he/she does loose their cool - they become the meanest people around
i have heard many peple say that.. silence is also sign of cowardice! But I beg to differ here! seriously! People do tend to take sme things for granted..
but then what can expect from people who take yu for granted?? And if they know u .. i dnt think they will not judge u!
---Are we all tuned in to accept negative reactions towards us - so much so that when one is trying to be nice we feel that he/she has some ulterior motive
Yes! I think so.. I have felt this too :( ! whenever sme one is xtra nice.. i gues i think there is smething that person wants from me !
---If say you do commit some grave errors and confess or accept them - even then you are constantly ridiculed - will you keep quiet, fight it out or simply walk away from the situation
keep quiet and walk away.. may be! I just dnt know what else can one do.. other than accepting their mistakes :(
my brain is trying to kill me too
Really!
good questions and thats the way of the world...
you keep quiet-you are taken forgranted...u don't keep quiet-u are tagged as insensible etc...
U do 100 good things, few appreciate, few never take notice...U do one mean thing-you are taunted and taunted again...
"Is it wrong to keep quiet? Accept the other person as they are - or is it better to keep nagging and confront them."
depends on the situation...:).
Does keeping quiet all the time means that he/she could be taken for granted - and say once this he/she does loose their cool - they become the meanest people around.
I have been in this situation...It sucks...:). but this has happend to me...:).
Are we all tuned in to accept negative reactions towards us - so much so that when one is trying to be nice we feel that he/she has some ulterior motive.
it happens to the best of us...once in a while...u get into this situation...:)
If say you do commit some grave errors and confess or accept them - even then you are constantly ridiculed - will you keep quiet, fight it out or simply walk away from the situation.
depends on the situation,...If i want it..i will fight it out...if its not worth my time..i`ll let it go and walk away...:).
I wouldn't say its WRONG to keep quiet but personally I prefer Confronting!n confronting is not the same as nagging. As a matter of fact if i do not confront, it tends to keep buggin me in my head n there is unnecessary enemity created. I think its far better to talk n solve problems!Also confronting doesnt imply that u don't acept a person as they are.
Yes i have seen cases wherer if people remain quiet all the time, they are taken for granted.
No, i don't think we look at things in the negative manner all the time. WE appreciate when one is nice.yes , sumtimes we do get suspicious , but thats just being alert and doesnt happen all the time.
After accepting my errors if i continue to be ridiculed i will fight it out or just walk away from the situation, dpending on how a big the mistake is and how much the person I'm dealing with matters to me.
Looks like you have been doing some introspection :) Great questions .. unfortuantely, no easy answers .. and definitelty no single answers since everything will depend on specific relationships.
Quite a bit of pondering there,and it was not even Friday when you wrote this ;)
At times it's better to "do as you are done by",but at times it is even better to stay silent and let some people do their thing and make a fool of themselves.
The choice is always our own!
Have a great weekend :)
@carolinagal
Are you talking about the "comment deleted" at 11.15 pm....
Have absolutly no idea - what transpired there - usually I get an email confimation when someone comments - so even if it is deleted here - I get a transcript in this case I got nothing - and have no idea
Why on earth would I delete a comment from someone who interected so openly....:( blame da blogger no me....
i dnt think we can change ppl...its always better to not b with ppl u cant stand anymore, but doesn mean i wud giv up trying...ill just move out wen persuading wont work!
Hey Ceedy...attack of the brain, huh?
Ok, here's my take on your questions:
1) Is it wrong to keep quiet? Accept the other person as they are - or is it better to keep nagging and confront them
- No its not wrong. Ideally, I would like to let the moment pass, because I say things I do not mean in the heat of the moment. I get aggressive, and mean, and regret it later. Nagging never works, and "explaining/discussing" works better than "confronting". If someone is confronting me, I have my armor up, if its "hey, can I talk to you about something thats bothering me", I will listen. So I'd say, let the moment pass, then say whatever you have to say with a calm disposition.
2) Does keeping quiet all the time means that he/she could be taken for granted - and say once this he/she does loose their cool - they become the meanest people around
-Keeping quiet all the time, and exploding like a volcano is never healthy. Express yourself in a nice way, is what I say! And yes, keeping quiet all the time does make others think of that person as a doormat, doesn't matter what you say to them, they never react, so no one expresses anything to them, not love, not anger, its like they don't have an opinion and sort of don't exist!
3) Are we all tuned in to accept negative reactions towards us - so much so that when one is trying to be nice we feel that he/she has some ulterior motive.
Umm...I usually think oh wow, this person is so nice. Time and time again, I have been deceived by people who were nice just coz they wanted something, but I still tend to believe that people are good. I guess I am genetically encoded that way! I never learn!
4) If say you do commit some grave errors and confess or accept them - even then you are constantly ridiculed - will you keep quiet, fight it out or simply walk away from the situation.
- I'd walk away. I confess, I apologize, and thats the end of it for me. There's no more to say or do about it. I'd go do whatever else I got to do, and somehow try to prove that what I did indeed was a mistake, but I am a changed person now.
hey...blogrolling you..
Did you delete a post?
@solitaire
yes - part of the post that dealt with someone else - this was always there as a second part - you were delirious yesterday and today - so guess you missed it
Sorry Ceedy, I realized after I complained that it was not MY comment that was deleted. So I deleted my complaint. Sorry again.
“If say you do commit some grave errors and confess or accept them - even then you are constantly ridiculed - will you keep quiet, fight it out or simply walk away from the situation.”
1.Cant keep quite forever
2.Fight it out only if ppl have logical sense to understand n accept
3.Walkin away is often taken as being guilty than remorseful
So do we stand to loose in all cases?
Oh. :(
"Does keeping quiet all the time means that he/she could be taken for granted - and say once this he/she does loose their cool - they become the meanest people around."
So So So So So So So So So So So So So So So So So So So So So So So So
So So TRUE !
I think ... you need a serious change in policy for that... atleat for me... I am usually nice... and give the benefit of doubt to most of the people... but when things go beyond the beyond limit I raise my stand... and that time I have always appeared as "MEAN"...
nice questions :)
@keshi
you are right....but sometimes we cant just ignore people
@veens
- yes it works if both people feel the same- sometimes if one is quiet it is taken in the wrong sense
- you are right about being not judged
- thats the sad part....and thats y nobody wants to be nice anymore...:(
- well one can accept their mistakes and apologize - one very senior blogger advised me that all you can do is say sorry - atleast you accepted your mistake - then leave it to the other to accept it or not - and many a times their ego and pride does not allow them to forgive......but then what can one do
@d-sinner
it is the way of the world for every good there is a bad...so goes on life and its fun!!!!
@kp
I like your answers because it shows how flexible you are in your thoughts and actions....which is a good sign as you are not prejudging or prejudiced....
yes every action depends on the situation and once cannot have a perfect answer...
if we had perfect answers then i would not have had to ask these questions :)
@pavi
thanks for your input...I guess your answers show the flexibility you have - yes you do say you would do this or that but still most of the way you think shows it all depends on the situation.
@cosmic joy
some questions do not have answers...
these are some of them....if we knew the answers then there would not have been a need to ask these questions
@sameera
yes you pointed it out - its not friday even....damn and i thought so much....
you are right it very personal and there are no set answers....
@gunj
thanks for the input....
you seem to be tolerant...
@aneri_masi
- calm disposition is something that is a great attribute not many possess....most people just have a defense mechanism of confronting when questioned
- so true...but somehow it takes a real push to not keep quiet...i wish i can learn that....
- you are not encoded - i guess thats our primate nature - we just bcos of circumstances and events have forgotten to accept the good..and are always questioning any good advances...
- good to know of your stance here
@aneri_masi
thanks for blogrolling - you will be on my list too...
@carolinagal
hey its all cool...dont worry I will never delete any comment - this is a democratic forum....
say eveil, hear evil and spread evil is my motto ;)
@mez
once a mistake always a bad person....yes we tend to loose in any conditions.....
it is better to think before one acts...but sometimes one is faced with such dilemma that there is no other option......life is like that
@solitaire
oh :(....but you have no comments or opinion....these questions deal with your field of study...
@neeku
open a change attitude forum - i will be your member...
forgetting people all the time sucks.....but i think out natures will never allow us to be evil
haha.. that was the funniest calvin cartoon i have read.. thanks for giving me a good laugh :-)
Cheers! :-)
It is not wrong to keep quiet.
How much can you tolerate is the question.
If at some point, you will have a breakdown because you lose your patience and confront someone they are going to feel "where did this crop up from". They are going to wonder why you accepted it all these days but suddenly have a problem with it today, while the truth is that you tolerated it all these days and never really accepted it.
If you are being ridiculed for something that you have done despite the apology, only understand that it is taking time for the person to get over their anger. Just because you confessed and got it off your chest in a flash does not mean that they will also get over their anger in a flash. Hence, wait, and be patient. Of course, if the forgiveness is taking unreasonably too long a time, you need to fight for it.
And about feeling like someone has an ulterior motive when they are only trying to be nice, I get that feeling with a lot of people who I know are famous for backbiting. But other than that, I never feel that and like good reactions. So bring them on! :)
Nice post. Sometimes its best to keep quiet. I believe its best to live and let live. But even this approach , makes the other people take you for Granted, as the Wise guy Calvin says " Its killing my brain"
I just adore Calvin more each day !!!
keeping quiet depends on te situation...there is a huge difference between nagging and confrontation...
I generally don't keep quiet if it is someone i care about...
te last question competely passed me over...:(
my brain's killing me too...
true...at those times, confront. If that doesnt work, ignore. :)
Keshi.
to keep quiet could also be taken as a sign of indifference- and that could build up resentment too.
--Sometimes walking away is the only thing one can do to salvage their dignity.
@raaji
glad you liked it
@solitaire
thanks - never thought of it this way
Tolerated vs acceptance - thus it seems that one should speak ones mind - solve the issue rather than wait for it to explode....
In this case - yes you are right that you cant expect someone to forgive you at a moments notice once you tell them the truth - but sometimes this goes beyond the two people involved...and then it becomes complicated - and many a times one gets trapped in mental blocks or whims and uses this as an excuse to break free...one only learns about these actions after the storm has settled....its very difficult to curb ones reactions at a spur of a moment even though you are aware of the consequences - am I right?
About the last part - I guess I agree with you completly - when we seek motives in someones actions we are technically expecting a return favor - but if you do it out of good conscience - dont really worry about the other person - yes I too say Bring it on :)
@deepti
I dunno what would I do if not for Calvin...;)
live and let live - you can follow it - but not everyone who lives with you allows it to happen and then we have to seek alternative approaches
@thinking aloud
what i did in this post resembles your name "thought aloud"
there are no sure answers to any of these...this is but life
@keshi
thats the way ahaha, I like it ahaha
@abreysham
you are right - people think you are indifferent and then when you do speak it like "WTF" do you mean.....
walking away for our diginity works as long as it does not leave your conscience with a baggage of guilt and redemption....tough to fight that sometimes
hahah I am making you come out of your coccoon more and more - am glad :P
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